Take the Fair Play Method on the Road! Plan your holiday division of labor before you go to avoid fighting on vacation.
A blissful chance to relax and unwind or the same old work and stress in a different location?
The answer may depend on which family member you ask.
Avoid travel stress & strife with a little bit of prep work.
A change in scenery can cause even the most egalitarian minded of us to slip back into old, socialized habits (Visiting family this summer? Prepare to unconsciously regress!) A pre-travel conversation, some flexibility and the Fair Play deck can help you make sure that you continue living your values while away from home.
Terrible traffic, hellish security lines, cancelled flights and lost luggage can’t be prevented, but you can vacation-proof your household systems. When we hit the road, our systems come along for the ride. What’s working at home may not work as well in less familiar surroundings. Proactively dividing the work necessary to keep everyone fed, clothed, and cared for on your trip will help you minimize conflict and make sure everyone gets a chance to to relax.
The Fair Play Method uses 100 playing cards to divide the full spectrum of household labor into categories. Each category might encompass multiple household systems. For example, the Pets card would include systems for feeding, exercising, and grooming your pet. While we are on vacation, we can take a break from many, but not all, of our household systems. Knock down, drag out vacation fights can happen when expectations about who is responsible for which tasks don’t match.
We’ve pulled the Fair Play cards most likely to cause stress and strife during your travels out of the deck. Spend an hour before you leave home talking them over, setting expectations and dividing responsibility to maintain harmony while taking a break from your day to day routines.
Taking The Fair Play Method on Vacation, Card by Card!
For each card below, discuss your expectations and decide who is taking the lead on those responsibilities while you travel.
(Hint: the person responsible for those tasks at home isn’t always the best person for the job while on the road.)
Travel Logistics Cards
These 4 cards might come in to play before, during and after your actual travel dates.
Travel
There is a whole card dedicated to travel in the Fair Play deck. Even a short trip requires plenty of logistics! Planning the itinerary and making reservations is upfront labor recognized on this card. Holding it can be a lot of fun or a burden, depending on your preferences.
The person holding the Travel card should be the pre-travel logistics point person. Holding the Travel card should not make you responsible for all the labor involved with leaving home. Use all the cards listed below to equitably distribute that work among your travel party.
Glitch in The Matrix
If you will be traveling summer of 2022, you’re going to need this card.
Prepare for the unexpected by discussing possible scenarios upfront. Plan to pass responsibility for this one back and forth depending on your strengths.
Who is ready to catch more flies with honey when dealing with exhausted customer service agents? Who can keep their cool when airlines engage in tomfoolery? Who’s going to handle the blowout diaper during descent in the teensy airplane bathroom?
A little catastrophization goes a long way to helping you handle Glitches as a team.
Calendar Keeper
Missing reservations can be a costly mistake. Designate one person the Calendar Keeper. This is a good job for the partner who is better at keeping track of time in the moment.
(A free tool for tracking your itinerary and reservations is TripIt. The House Shuffle has been using it for years to coordinate our long, complicated trips. The Pro version proactively notifies you of delays, cancellations, gate changes, etc. It may be a wise investment this summer. Not an affiliate link, simply a hearty recommendation.)
Points, Miles & Coupons
Don’t forget to take advantage of all the points and mileage you accrued over the last couple of years. Designate one person to make sure you are cashing them in and using the right cards to maximize earning while you’re traveling.
Homefront Cards
Just because you are away doesn’t mean your home ceases to exist. Divvy up responsibility for these three cards to make sure everything is in one piece when you get home.
Pets
Scheduling the petsitter, receiving updates and communicating during the trip, coordinating any pet emergencies that arise.
Lawn & Plants
Finding and booking a housesitter or landscaping service for indoor and outdoor plants.
Pausing mail delivery or arranging mail pick up. Nothing says “Our home is ready for burglarization” more than an overflowing mail box.
Social Planning Cards
The Travel card covers arranging the logistics of travel, but the social aspects covered by these six card may benefit from a divide and conquer approach.
Social Plans (Couples)
Set your expectations for time together before your trip. Do you expect to do everything together or will you each do your own thing for part of the day?
Marriage & Romance
Another area where setting expectations ahead of time can avoid stress. Is “romance” an achievable outcome on this particular trip? Do you have any expectation of privacy? Talk this out.
Extended Family
Going to visit family? Who is point person for making plans with extended family? Do you each navigate your respective families or does one person take the lead for both sides?
Parents & In-Laws
Again, who is on point for communicating with your parents? Dynamics vary!
Self Care (Both Partners!)
Maybe the most important card of all to discuss upfront, especially if you and your partner fall on different places on the introversion/extroversion scale. One partner’s non-stop raucous dream vacation can be another’s personal nightmare. What are your expectations for alone time and personal space? How will you each make sure those needs are met?
Civic Engagement & Cultural Enrichment
Do you want to take the kids to museums and see all the sights? The person holding this card should take care of research and knowing opening times, admission costs, etc. This can be a good card to swap back and forth.
Boring Chores That Still Need to be Done While on Vacation Cards
If only vacation were truly all fun and games. Splitting these nine cards is key to an enjoyable, egalitarian holiday.
Packing & Unpacking
A boatload of work, whether you are packing up once or moving from place to place on your trip. Don’t underestimate how much mental load the holder of this card carries while traveling (nyuk nyuk!) especially for a family. It’s a big card.
(A couple of useful tools to make the job easier: packing cubes and a luggage scale.
These are The House Shuffle’s favorite packing cubes. Sturdy and inexpensive, they make managing your stuff easier by segmenting and separating things so you never have to dig through an entire suitcase of loose items. We recommend either the 3 piece or 6 piece set to start.
This is a good luggage scale. Save yourself baggage fees and the stress of needing to rejig your pack at the check-in desk by weighing your luggage prior to heading to the airport. Many airlines, especially low-cost carriers, are even weighing your carry-on and personal items now. Be forewarned and prepared! Links above are affiliate, ABD!)
Tidying Up
Someone’s got to make sure the guest room, hotel or airbnb stay reasonably tidy. With no set homes for your things, these spaces can explode into chaos in the blink of an eye. Whose job is it to stay on top of things? Packing cubes are helpful with this one too.
Transportation
The holder of the travel card booked the rental car or bought the public transit passes, but who’s behind the wheel or navigating the subway once you’re on the ground?
Meals
Everyone needs to eat. Meals can become extra fun or extra fraught when everyone is out of their routine. Are you planning to prepare food or eat your meals out? Who’s keeping track of mealtimes to avoid hangry meltdowns?
Groceries
Even if you plan to eat most meals out, the occasional trip to the store for room and road snacks is a necessity. Who makes the meal plan and shopping list and runs to the store?
Dishes
Unfortunately they don’t magically do themselves when you’re on vacation. Someone needs to hold the dishes card everyday.
Laundry
If you’re traveling for more than a long weekend, laundry probably needs to be done, especially if you’ve chosen to pack light. Who is responsible for scoping out laundry facilities, gathering dirty clothes and keeping track of changing out loads?
Money Manager
No one likes to be in charge of the budget while on a trip, but most of us do need to keep track of what we spend while traveling. Who is hanging on to receipts (can be very helpful for making claims if luggage gets misplaced in transit!) and managing the budget?
Cash & Bills
Vacation often means handling more cash than usual. The person holding this card should be in charge of settling up bills, doling out tips, and visiting the currency exchange.
Kid Cards
Kids! They bring the joy and they bring the work! Managing these six cards takes a lot of energy. Count yourself lucky if you’ve got extra hands to share the load while on your travels.
Fun & Playing
This is why you’re going on vacation, right? Making memories! You’ll want to pass handling this card back and forth, but it’s worth discussing who is going to take the lead with the kids during different activities ahead of time. Who wants to play endless Marco Polo or plan the hike or get down and dirty with some lego? Different strokes for different folks! Plan to play to your strengths.
Watching
You don’t need to play with the kids every second, but someone needs to have an eye on them at all times. Vacations often involve extra water hazards, so this is an important card to explicitly pass back and forth when you have pre-swimmers. (For extra peace of mind, pop your tots in a jaunty life jacket. That is an affiliate link. Here’s why it’s a good idea to use a flotation device.)
Middle of the Night Comfort
Little kids don’t always get the memo about sleeping in while on vacation. They may even wake up more often than usual in unfamiliar surroundings. Plan to pass this card back and forth so everyone gets the sleep they need.
Bathing & Grooming
Does a dip in the pool count as a bath? Only the holder of this card can decide!
First Aid, Safety & Emergency
We hate to think of anything going wrong on a long-awaited vacation, but shit happens. The holder of this card should know the local emergency phone number (it is NOT 911 everywhere!), be prepared for foreseeable accidents, and know how to handle local wildlife and inclement weather. Do not be the tourist fools on top of a mountain without proper gear when the weather changes!
Discipline & Screentime
A vacation boondoggle! Discuss expectations before departure. Are you going completely screen free? Are travel days a free for all? What home rules are you willing to let slide on vacation? Take turns being the bad guy and pass this card back and forth explicitly.
Post-Travel Cards
After the trip is over, these two cards may come in to play.
Thank You Notes
It’s always nice to pass on your thanks if you’ve been hosted or received excellent service. Who is going to make sure these social graces are performed?
Memories & Photos
Culling the terrible photos and making the photo book might never get done if it isn’t handled right away. If documenting your memories is important to you, make sure this card is assigned to someone.
This smarty pants is ready to enjoy his vacay!
Now, Gleefully Depart on Your Travels Confident in Your Ability to Overcome Whatever Challenges Arise!
We hope this list will help you better enjoy your upcoming travels!
If this selection of cards has whetted your appetite for better sharing responsibility with your partner and optimizing your everyday household systems, you might be interested in our upcoming Systems Shift process. You’ll receive personalized guidance to help you create a regular life that feels a little closer to vacation life. You can check out more details and join the waitlist here.
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This post contains affiliate links, always be disclosing!